Author Archives: Ayesha
It’s hard to let go of something- anything. And it’s even harder to let someone go. We all know that, we’ve all been there. From letting go of those little bits and pieces of your childhood to letting someone -whom you had gotten to know very well- go from your life just like that… is quite difficult. Truly, this Just Like That is bigger than all of the Just Like That’s combined.
They ask you, why. Why did you step back when you could’ve stayed or why did you let them walk away like that? In the back of your mind, you know you don’t have a legitimate answer- if you’re being honest. You just know that the reason you parted ways with them is that it was meant to happen. You do what you were meant to do. In general, this is what you call fate and you are very well aware of the fact that everything happens for a reason. Yet, when it happens, you can’t help but feel sad? Depressed? At loss of words? Vulnerable? Kinda hopeless….?
Like how funny is it? You meet them, you get to know them, you joke around with them, you get to know their little secrets and then, all of a sudden, you let them go. And they let you go. Because if you don’t make that decision right at that very moment, both of you are gonna end up hurting even more than you are hurting at the moment.
It hurts the most when it is you who makes the decision. You, the kind of person, who cannot even decide what to wear on a normal day, makes a decision as big as letting someone out of your life, never to meet them again. You fear the aftermath of the decision. You fear the consequences that you’ll probably have to face afterwards yet you make that decision. Because you can’t work it out. You both have the feeling that it’s not gonna work out.
Sometimes, things just don’t work out.
So you put your brave face on, you fake a smile, you react to memes just like you’ve always done and you joke around your friends but at night when you’re supposed to sleep… you lose it. You lose yourself. You lose the control on yourself. You cry. You pray. You talk to God. You remember all the little details and all the good memories from the time you knew them and then you cry again. Then you pray again. You talk to God again. You make a conversation with Him, you tell Him how you feel and you ask for forgiveness and you ask for the better of you and them, too, cause they’ve been nothing but good to you (and yet you had to let them go). You sigh and try to shake off all the thoughts before resuming praying and crying and then you kind of get the feeling that He is listening and that is when you feel at peace. You begin to feel unconscious of your surroundings and you finally drift off to sleep. And you sleep away.
Then there comes a day, when you wake up, you find yourself calm and relaxed. Probably because you have now realized that you’ll only get what He has planned for you. So you put your faith in Him and try to move on. You know the best has yet to come and you continue to move forward with your life hoping for the best. You also start being grateful to Him for every single thing which is a first for you and you realize that experiences indeed makes you learn stuff but it also gets you closer to Him than you were before.
And that feeling is so surreal, you just never want to let go of it.
So you start caring about yourself and find yourself worrying about assignments again and you finally begin smiling again for real. You try to stay positive. You encourage others to think positive. Your faith in Him keeps getting stronger. You do not fear the consequences anymore though you think about it sometimes and you still might get tears in your eyes but you quickly let go of that feeling and ask for your betterment from Him.
They tell you that forgetting something could take a lot of time but you’re fine with it. You’re taking things at your own pace and you know that’s completely normal and allowed. Though you still have good days and bad days. You still worry about your future everyday cause you’re still scared of it but that’s where faith jumps in and you know it’s all going to be alright.
Because you are reminded that He is with you. Always. Then there’s nothing to worry about, right?
Cause you’ve also learnt that everything happens for our own good….
You just gotta wait!
A lot. None.
Destined for us.
Which no one can escape.
Until they die.
This is life.
Woah! My blog turns one today!
Its unbelievable. Really! I can’t believe its been a year. There I was planning to make a blog of my own. And now one year have passed since I made it.
Time sure flies. Flies very fast infact. I know I haven’t been that active. I haven’t posted much. (Well I had time, but I was out of topics 😜)
I don’t have much to write at the moment, but I want to thank each and every one who praised my work. Or else I would have lost my confidence. Thank you so much for appreciating me and encouraging me for more.
And yeah special thanks to Maria, for she is the reason I made this blog :p And she praised my pieces. Being a great writer herself, she made me write here. Thanks again. ☺
In this meanwhile, I came to know about some super awesome blogs. And you all write amazing, you know? 😉
And yeah, thanks to those as well who followed my blog.
I’ll try my level best to fill this rainbow with beautiful colors. For all I need is inspiration. 😌
Keep reading and writing. Keep blogging. 😊
That was the worst feeling ever!
She had no idea, why was she feeling this way.
So bitter, so miserable, so painful!
When there was nothing bad happened, when nothing went wrong.
When everything was just the way, it supposed to be.
Se felt her eyes tearing up, for a completely unknown reason.
She resisted the urge to yell and shout, which turned out to be the most difficult task.
Her tears fell down before she quickly wiped them away. For, she had no logical answer to the question that why in the world she was crying.
‘There’s always a reason to be upset.’ Her own words echoed in her mind.
“Okay! That’s enough! Better change the mood, before it gets worse. Smile.” She told herself and smiled as her sister showed her piece of art.
“Hey, that’s pretty good, you know?” It took all her strength to smile and compliment that piece, when her mind was doing total opposite.
“Thanks a lot. I worked really hard for this.” Her sister smiled, absentmindedly, admiring her own work.
For once, she felt somewhat good. At least, someone was happy.
“But why I’m not happy?” She asked herself.
She sighed and made a silent prayer to God.
She then knew, that every thing was going to be alright. She believed Him.
She gasped in excitement, her gaze transfixed on the screen. She couldn’t believe her eyes.
A smile had spread onto her face, the smile which she had been trying to bring for hours now. It just came immediately and it seemed to last for a longer time, as her face was beaming from happiness.
She ran to her sister, and hugged her tightly.
“Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m so happy, so so happy!” She repeated the words in mantra. Whereas, her sister was quite surprised by this sudden action.
“What’s the matter, sis?” Her sister asked.
“Guess what? I got number of reviews and comments on my post. Like number of them, and they all loved my post. I can’t believe they did.” She told her, her voice flooded with excitement and pleasure, her eyes sparkling.
“So what’s the big deal? I mean, I really appreciate your efforts and I know that writing of yours would be amazing as always, but its not something new to you, now is it?” Her sister was still confused.
“I know, its not the first time, but still you feel happy, right? And when you’re feeling all down and….” She trailed off, realizing she was feeling down moments ago.
Oh God! The wonders! How could those people-who don’t even know you in person-could make you feel so happy, just by their overwhelming comments?
Maybe it was just the way, God had chosen for her to be.. happy and to smile. Wow! Her prayer did the work.
She smiled again, this time surprised.
That was the most amazing feeling ever! Never she had felt this good.
And this time, she even knew the reason.
One just need to believe in God, and ask Him for the needs.
All the worries will go away, and a smile will take place, as every thing will be perfect.
You just have to believe Him!
Woh kitni der se yun hi bethi hui thi. Uss ka wajood jaise jam gaya tha, aur na hi usme hilne ki sikat thi. Woh musalsal khirki se bahir tak rahi thi, lekin zehen mazi me khoya hua tha. Uss k hath me woh tasveer ab tak maujood thi. Yeh wahi tasveer thi, jo us ko bht azeez thi.
Aansu phir se girne lage the. Yaqeenan mazi ne phir se jhinjor diya tha. Uss ne tasveer ko phir se dekha, lkn uss me isse apna ap bht dhundhla nazar araha tha. Uss lamhe us ka dil chaha k woh zor zor se cheekhe, chillaye. Lkn yahan kon tha jo uski sunta? Iss ki sunne wale, iss se muhabbat karne wale to ja chuke the, usse akela chor kar!
“Tum akeli kahan ho? Akele to woh the, chor to tum ne unhen dya tha? Takleef to unhon ne uthaye hai! Tum akeli nahi ho, tmhare samne to abhi bhi wh aasaeshen hain, jin ki khatir tum ne unke saare ehsaan hi bhula dye!” Zameer ne talkh haqeeqat batayi thi. Uss k aansu tawatar se behna shuru hogae.
“Ek mauqa, ek mauqa to mil jata, mein unse maafi hi maang leti” Woh rote hue khud se boli thi.
” Mauqe to bht mile the, tum ne khud hi gawa diye. Kitne phone kye unhon ne, tumhe pukara, lkn afsos, tum ne unki pukar ki taraf koi tawajja na di. Yeh to nahi sikhaya tha unhon ne tumhe. Unhon ne tumhe rishton se muhabbat krna sikhaya tha, na k un ko torna! ” Zameer ne ek baar phir chot ki thi.
“Haan unhon ne muhabbat krna sikhaya tha, aur mein ne seekha bhi yahi. Farq to sirf itna tha k unhon ne rishton se muhabbat krna sikhaya aur mein ne cheezon se muhabbat ki, hamesha cheezon aur dolat ko tarjeeh di” Woh khud bhi talkh hogai.
Uss ne phir se woh tasveer dekhi. Uss tasveer ko jo bhi dekhta tha, tareef krna nahi bhoolta tha. Uss me woh be hadd pyari lagti thi. Tabhi us ko khud bhi yeh tasveer bht pasand thi. Woh jab bhi iss tasveer ko dekhti to muskra dya karti. Uss ka dil khushi se bhar jata, lekin uss ne kabhi bhi uss tasveer me baqi do wajood pr koi tawajja na di. Halanke log to iss tasveer ko dekh yahi kehte “Complete family.” Lekin wh iss compliment ko kisi khate me na laati.
Apne maa baap ki ek hi aulaad hone ki bina par woh ladli to thi, lekin uss ki tarbiyat me hamesha bhalai krna sikhaya gaya tha. Aur rishton se muhabbat krna. Lekin uss ne hamesha khud se muhabbat ki. Woh jab bhi sochti, sirf apne liye hi sochti.
Issi liye, jab be tahasha daulat, aur asaeshon se bharpur zindagi darwaze tak khud chal kr ai, to woh inkar na kar saki. Jab k uss k maa baap nahi chahte the, k woh in se itni dur chali jae.
“Arey ammi, mein koi hamesha wahan thori rahun gi, aati jaati rahun gi.”
“Ammi, ap yeh q nahi dekh raheen, k iss me meri khushi hai? Ap bus fikar na karen, mein ap logon se milne aati rahun gi, aur phone pr bhi baat kr liya karun gi. Pareshaan na houn!”
Apne kiye gaye daawe jab aj yaad aye to dil mazeed nadamat se bhar gaya.
“Ammi..” Wh ab zaar o qatar rone lagi thi.
Bahir ja kar woh bhool gai k uss k maa baap bhi the. Wh phone krte to bus kheriat malum kr k kaam ka bahana bana k phone rakh deti. Pure saat saal k arse me wh unse sirf ek dafa milne ayi. Uss k baad koi khabar hi na thi.
Chand din pehle usse phone aya to pata chala k abba ki tabiyat behtahasha kharab thi, woh usse bht yaad kr re the. Tab us ko kuch hua aur us ne hafte me ane ka keh dya. Lkn jab wh yahan phnchi to abba hamesha k liye ja chuke the, aur ammi bhi yeh gham na seh pai aur dunya se chali gayeen.
Us ko ab ehsas hua k asal mata kya thi. Ab smjh ai k woh kya kho chuki hai. Ab samjh ai k rishte kya the.
Jis tasveer ko dekh kr woh hamesha muskraya krti thi, aj uss ko dekh kr ro rahi thi. Aj usse uss tasveer me apna ap bht bad-surat lag raha tha. Usse apne wajood se hi nafrat ho rahi thi. Apne waldein k muhabbat bhare chehre dekh kr ansuuo’n me mazeed rawani arahi thi.
Baaz dafa insan itna khud-garz hojata hai k usse pata bhi nahi hota. Woh zindagi ki rangeeniyon me kho kr buhat kuch bula bethta hai. Yahi uss k sath bhi hua tha. Wh tasveer ab bhi usse azeez thi, q k uss me us k waldein bht ache lagte the. Woh yeh bhi janti thi k ab woh yeh tasveer dekh kr hamesha roe gi. Woh yeh bhi janti thi k
“Kahani to khatam hogai, lekin ab zindagi bhar ka pachtawa hai!”
While I was reading a blog, It reminded me of the ‘chicks’. Which, we bought exactly a year ago.
Whenever I think of them, my eyes fills with tears. They no longer exist in this world. They DIED! Leaving us crying.
I wasn’t impressed by the idea of buying chicks and feeding them. We never had a pet before. But my siblings, they needed chicks at any cost. Mother couldn’t refuse, as she loved chicks too. After all the discussion, two little chicks came to our home.
Yellow one became everyone’s favorite, because of the fact that he was fast and he acted like a big-bro to the other one. Brown chick was quite slow, and he used to follow the other one.
They were too noisy. But we loved that noise.
We provided them a box to live in, which was in the balcony. But they were always wanting to get out of there.
First few days, I didn’t take any notice of them. But slowly, I started loving them. They were too cute actually. The way, they looked, they ate, they drank, they sleep, they sit, was all lovable.
Days passed, and within a month, the yellow one got ill. We tried a lot, to let him eat, play. But he didn’t answer us. We were quite sad. And we knew that he’ll be no more. And one day, we found him lying in his box, with brown one sitting in the corner. We all were very sad. My sister cried, it was her favorite. He lived 17 days. They were too many days, for getting attached to a pet.
Now only brown chick was left. We could see sadness in his eyes as well. But he recovered sooner than us. And for our surprise, he became the fastest, the naughtiest. He learned high jumps. He was best friend of my brother. My brother could tell, when he was thirsty, and when he needed food. For me, he was still innocent. He would wake up early and make us rise early too. He had learned the trick to get out of the box. It was easy for him. He ate everything from our hands. Even once he wanted snacks too. Whenever he needed us, he’ll start making noise at the door. And we would run to him.
I used to call him ‘chuzu’. I never picked him up, my siblings did that. I still feel, what if I did?
There are a lot more moments we had. But unfortunately, I’m not able to describe!
Then after some days, he got ill too. We didn’t want him to end like that yellow one. I’m unable to tell you people, to describe my feelings and his fight for the life. He tried to fight his disease. We gave him so much food to eat, but he didn’t even had a bite. We opened the door for him, so he would play, but he didn’t want too. We gave him medicine, which we forced him to have it. I still remember the last night of his life. He couldn’t stand, he just kept sleeping all the day. He saw all of us wistfully. Our eyes filled with tears. He was breathing very slowly, as if it was too difficult for him. That night was too hard for all of us.
Next morning, my brother and sister woke up for school. He was alive, still breathing. I heard them talking about, but I was too sleepy. Then they left for school. After some while, my mother woke me up, and asked me to look at the chick. I stood, and went to the chick’s box. I saw him, I couldn’t see properly, because of feeling too much sleepy. I rubbed my eyes and looked again, and then the view shook me. I kept watching him. I couldn’t believe on my eyes. Our dearest chick was lying, I turned to mother, and said, “He’s dead”. Mother said nothing, but nodded. She knew about it before me. She went to drop my siblings at the school. And when she came back, chick had died. Tears fell down from my eyes. I cried. And still, while writing, I am crying. I cannot stop myself. Its been a year, but still.
That whole month, we kept talking about him. We missed his noise. Whenever I went into the balcony, I used to stare at the place, where his box was kept. And it made me sad again and again.
He lived 47 days. More than a month. Its enough time to get attached with a pet. My chuzu. I still love him. Not only him. But both of them.
It was raining!
Wet ‘green’ grass with rainy weather would make anyone crazy, but people with troubles would find this weather more awful.
She sat alone there. At an ‘orange’ bench. In a park, with lots of kids playing. While some people were sitting on the bench like she did. But the only difference was that, she was ALONE.
She was thinking about the people enjoying there.
Don’t they have any problems? Any worries? Like she had! Is she the only one, whose life was filled with troubles ?
She really needed the answer!
She held her ‘violet’ colored shawl tightly, which was her favorite!
She stood up. Walked a little mile. A child pass by her, running and exclaiming with joy ‘How beautiful the rain is!’
She stopped. She turned and kept looking at the child’s face with amazement. She could find whole bunch of excitement at the child’s face.
It looked like through his appearance, that he belonged to a poor family. He had wore a ‘red’ shirt, with ‘indigo’ pants, which were in miserable condition.
“But he’s behaving cheerful and carefree?” She thought.
The rain was gradually stopping.
Just then, the child ran towards a woman with old clothes. It looked like that, the woman was his mother. The child asked something , and pointed towards the pop-corn stand, but the woman refused. The child was unhappy for the very first moment. But then he started running and jumping. Forgetting about pop-corns. She understood the whole story. She felt sad for that poor child. But at the same time she was amazed, that the child was still happy and excited. And the woman was also smiling, watching her child, playing.
The rain stopped at last. Clouds started scattering. She was still watching the happy child. The woman, just for her child, bought entry tickets to the park having so less money. Now she wasn’t able to buy her child a packet of pop-corn. But she wasn’t complaining!
She stepped forward, and reached the pop-corn stand. She bought one packet, and returned to the child. She gave that packet to the child. The child stared her in a surprise. The woman saw this, and came closer. And said to her,
“What are you doing girl?”
“Nothing. I just want him to eat this. Please take it. It will make me happy!”
The child took it. And the woman couldn’t say anything. After all, her child really wanted pop-corns.
He started eating, and went happily. And she felt an undefined happiness. A little smile took place at her face.
Sun shone out. With its ‘yellow’ rays falling on the ground. And she could see a ‘rainbow’ in the sky. With all its beautiful colors.
She had understood. She’s not the only one, facing difficulties. There are people, who are having a tougher time and leading a more difficult life than hers. One should thank God for everything and not complain.
She again sat on that ‘orange’ bench. She took a nice great look at the ‘blue’ sky and the rainbow. Which made her think, to the second side of coin either. She smiled. She had to make her life as colorful as rainbow. Through bringing a SMILE on other’s faces.
This post is written in response to The Daily Post
Life goes on!
Whatever happens, it goes on. Ups and downs are part of life. But to live a life, according to the teachings of ‘Islam’, is the main point.
Its not a game. Its a bitter reality.
It will end one day. Yes it will, and nobody can increase the time period.
I love this quote, as it touches me,
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all”
Life may not be perfect. But to make it perfect, to make it colorful. Feel it! Live it, in a proper manner, before its too late.
It goes on!
Raat ke uss peher,
Jab sab so rahe hote hain,
Tab ro rahi hoti hun
Jo baat kisi se nahi keh pati,
Woh Khuda se kar rahi hoti hun
Kuch iss akele pan se,
Khauf kha rahi hoti hun
Kuch bagher lab hilaye,
Duaein maang rahi hoti hun
Guzare hue zindagi ko, jab uss ghari,
Zehen me duhra rahi hoti hun
To, khud ko, Ehsas-e-nidamat me,
Ghira hua mehsoos kar rahi hoti hun
Gunahon ke barhte hue bojh pr,
Pasheman ho rahi hoti hun
Kya mun dikhaungi uss din apne Rab ko?
Issi baat pe fikarmand ho rahi hoti hun
Phir aankhen band kar ke,
Jab yeh soch rahi hoti hun
Zindagi ka kya bharosa?
To, foran se, tauba karne uth khari hoti hun
“Woh baksh dene wala hai”
Bakshish maang rahi hoti hun
“Woh RAHEEM hai”
Uss ki Rehmat ki talab mehsoos kar rahi hoti hun
Raat ke uss peher,
Jab sab so rahe hote hain,
Tab ro rahi hoti hun!
Jo baat kisi se nahi keh pati,
Woh Khuda se kar rahi hoti hun!
Woh ro rahi thi! Hota hai na aesa bhi, jab ap apne ap ko rone par majboor pate hain! Samandar ki lehrein us us k pairon se takrateen aur wapis laut jateen. Kitni mehnat ki thi uss ne, kitne khwab sajaye the. Lekin aj phr woh haar gayi thi. Woh shikast kha chuki thi. Phr ussi shaks se, jo usse hamesha hara diya krta tha. Kitna mushkil tha, apne aap pe qabu pana! Lekin wh to bht kamzor thi, aansu’oun ko rokna uss k bas me nahi tha!
“Ro rahi ho? ” Peeche se awaz ai thi! yaqeenan woh usse dhoondta hua idhr aa phncha tha. Ya phir shayd woh jaanta tha k ye usse yahin mile gi.
“Nahi mein bhala kyun ro’un gi? Mjhe to khush hona chahye!” Bagher peeche mure wh boli.
“Hona to chahye, lekin tum ho nahi.” Wh bola. Lekin uss ne koi jawab na diya!
“Mera nahi khayal k mehez harne par yun darya baha dene chahyen?” Jawab na paa kar wh khud hi dobara bola. Lekin iss dafa iss ke lehje me uktahat numayan thi!
“Jb koi insan dusre se srf zara se farq se haarta hai na, to rona aata hai.” Akhr wh boli, bhar’rai hui awaz me.
“Acha! lekin rone se kya hoga?” Ab wh dheere dheere qadam uthata, uss tak puhunch gaya.
“Kuch bhi nahi!” Nihayat madham awaz me jawab aya. Aur samandar ki maujon k shor ki waja se uss ki awaz goya dab gayi thi. Lekin woh behrhaal samjh gaya tha.
“To phir? Rone ka faida? Tm iss baat pe ro rahi ho, k tmhe shikast ho gayi! Tmhe pata hai shikast kya hoti hai?”
Uss ka sawal bht ajeeb tha. Tab hi uss ne rukh mor kr usse dekha. Lekin woh to bari mehwiat se samandar ko tak raha tha.
“Kya kehna chahte ho?”
“Tm nahi jantee shikast kya hoti hai? Shikast to kamiyabi ki seerhi pr pehla qadam hai. Apni manzil ki taraf pehla qadam hai. Aur jab yh qadam uthta hai, to insaan khush hota hai. Aur tum ro rahi ho? Aik qadam aage barhne pr tm ro rahi ho?”
“Lekin yh teesri dafa hai aur…..”
“Yani k tumhara teesra qadam hai. Aur such to yeh hai k ab tumhari manzil door nahi hai! Asal shikast to tab hogi jab tum haar maan lo gi. Aur mein janta hun k tum aesa kabhi nahi karo gi! Right?” Woh apni baat ki taeed chahta tha.
Uss ne sirf ahista se sar hila dya. Goya woh iss ki baat se mutafiq thi. Thori der tak khamoshi rahi. Sirf lehron ka shor, aur thori hi dur, ek jashan ka samaa tha. Aur jis k liye wh jashan manaya ja raha tha.. Woh to uss k paas khara, uss ki hosla afzai kar raha tha. Uss jashan me khud wohi shareek na tha. Kitna concern tha na woh iss k mamle me. Shayad woh hamesha se hi aesa tha.
“Zindagi me har cheez itni aasani se nahi milti. Khoob jad-o-jehad krni parti hai. Mehnat darkar hoti hai. Aj mein agar iss maqam pe khara hun to, yaqeenan yh meri mehnat, aur lagan ka nateeja hai. Mein ne bhi shikast khai hai. Lekin mein ne haar nahi mani! Aur mein agar jeet gaya hun to iss ka yeh matlab nahi k mein ne sab kuch paa liya! Hargiz nahi. Mera safar to abhi baqi hai. Mein to abhi beech samandar me hun. Mjhe to abhi sahil pe phnchna hai. Mein hath pr hath rakhe nahi beth sakta!”
Woh jaise sun ho kr uski batein sun rahi thi.
Uff yeh shaks kya cheez hai!! Abhi bhi iss ka dil nahi bhara! Aur ek mein hun, jo dusre number pr aane k bawajood haar manne ko tayar bethi hun! Kitni bewaqoof hun mein! Mujhe to mazeed mehnat krni chahye aur mein….
Iss se aage woh soch hi na saki!
“Mein chalta hun. Mujhe umeed hai k aainda tum aur ziyada mehnat karo gi. Aur apni family aur doston ko mayus nahi karo gi!” Muskara kr kehta hua, woh wahan se chal dya.
Woh shaks hamesha apne lafzon se uss k past hote hue hosle ko phr se bahal kr deta tha. Woh har mushkil waqt me uss ki madad kr dya krta tha. Aur usse pata bhi na chalta.
Woh hamesha hi usse hara dya krta tha.
Woh isse jata hua dekhti rahi. Woh hamesha hi aese, apni baton ka asar uss par chor kr, chal dya kar krta tha. Kitna concern tha na woh iss k mamle me. Shayad woh hamesha se hi aesa tha.